DEE: Did you hear our friend Paul just had a baby? His name is Orion.
ME: Paul had a baby?!? Wow his penis must be wrecked!
DEE: Like a convenience store wiener that has been left too long in the microwave.
ME: Wait…a regular convenience store hot dog or the kind with nacho cheese and chili?
DEE: Mayo.
ME: No [...]
Entries from June 2008
June 13, 2008
Uh-Oh, Hot Dog!
June 2, 2008
Christmas Flowers for Grandma
ME: I sent Grandma the flowers. The note said something like “We wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We hope to see you soon! With love..
MY BROTHER: What you really meant to say: The note said something like “We wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We hope [...]
June 2, 2008
The Eyes have it
MY BROTHER: You say I never keep you up to date on my health stuff, so…I went to the eye-doctor the other day to utilize my unused benefits before the “year end” of the plan.
This doctor was amazing. I’ve never had an eye-doctor spend as much time with me as he did. He laser-scanned the [...]
June 2, 2008
After the E.E.G
MY BROTHER: Just got back from the EEG. I’m a bit more rested and caffeinated and wax-haired now. Have you ever had one? They put all those wires all over your head then tell you to relax. Then, in and out of sleep, they tell you “open your eyes” then “close your eyes” then “breathe [...]
June 2, 2008
Apples and Oranges
ME: Don’t’ you ever feel like taking an annoying person, stapling mice to their body and then releasing them into a barn full of owls?
MY BROTHER: Call me old-fashioned, but I’d just rather just pound their faces ’til their heads cave in then write “fuck you, idiot” on the wall with their brains…but that’s just [...]
